Category: Uncategorized

How to not hold on to sanity

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A458C7C6-1A34-445F-AAB7-DEF018AE0583I get into the most trouble when I try to hold on. It doesn’t matter what it is: an idea, a thought, a feeling, a relationship, an experience- none of it serves the ME in the end. What’s harder? Trying to let go? Trying to let go of: an idea, a thought, a feeling, a relationship, an experience- either way, the cluster fuck seems to be in the “trying”.

Could it be the ME is drawn to self-imposed suffering; a non-stop, commercial-free, one way fearful trip to a future that never arrives?

I live an extraordinary life and yet I wake up to battle everyday. I don’t give myself a break until hours after I’m conscious. Sometimes, I’m relieved that in 20 years I’ll probably get to punch my time card for the last time and retire to the Afterlife. I put in my time on Earth. I won’t be needing a gold Apple watch either.

There is respite. Today,

I find comfort in my  thoughts or they can be my worse enemy.

When my mind is searching around, waiting to land on the roulette wheel of emotions, I can easily fall to existential angst or the latest shooting/attack/atrocity (#Munich #CharlesKinsey #TrumpSpeech) for suffering solace. Or perhaps because the first love encounter you are writing for your character turns into a sexual assault.

Perhaps the trick is forging ahead (“just keep swimming”) and keep that augmented reality in the background.

Perhaps I have to let go of this notion.

7/24/16

[BLOG # 10 #SummerSocialMediaSabbatical #TheAntiSocialSocialExperiment #SocialMediaSummerSabbatical ]

 

Mental health, the criminal justice system, and how I blame Elayne Boosler

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Yesterday, I did something out of the norm. I sent two letters out. Both to prisons. Both to men in their 20’s, serving time for violent crimes. One for 13 years. One for life. They both suffer from severe mental illness. One is a friend’s son and one is an ex-client. Neither could get proper help on the “outside”.  Neither is getting help on the “inside” – the justice system and these privatized institutions do not deal with “crazy”. Why should they?

Only 15-20% of Police forces in the country have crisis intervention officers specializing in mental health. [Nightline: 7.22.16]

I have a close friend on Twitter with PTSD who just bought a gun. She sounds angry and out of touch- a lot. Today she’s TRUMPED up by the fear mongering. We are to believe we need to treat these pockets of horrific violence militarily, not as the law enforcement or mental health issue and gun proliferation that it is. We ignore the roots and want quick easy answers.

I wonder if we’ll ever be able to connect the dots to sanity in this country?

 

On another Note-A Confession: I cheated this week and went onto Facebook. I went to check on a friend and came across an Elayne Boosler Game. How could I resist? I checked Twitter today too and even posted via an anonymous account. #Munich #MichaelKinsey #RNC #damn

 I still blame Elayne Boosler for my Social Media Sabbatical slide.

[blog # 9 #AntiSocialSocialMediaExperiment #SummerSocialMediaSabbatical]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Focus on the task at hand: saying goodbye to VHS.

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Find myself wanting to scroll through Twitter SO BADLY at times – like a smoker, HABIT/ INGRAINED in my muscle memory. MUST PICK UP PHONE. I’m used to checking after coffee, bathroom breaks, afternoon slumps, teatime, lunchtime, during coffee, waiting for anything. Mornings, Afternoons, Late evening. Before coffee.

ADDICT/SCHMADDICT

True, I fell off the wagon a few times. But I’m making the rules. I am allowed (says me) to post on my news and political account once in awhile and to dm my brother. The universe reminded me STAY OFF when I saw “jihadi obama” on a hashtag. O.M.F.G. Remember the “UNPATRIOTIC AMERICANS” questioning Dubya? Don’t get me started.

Doing better with Facebook but went on once to see how my friend’s surgery went (only because she didn’t return my call.)

I didn’t visit or “like” (emote) any posts. Phew.

Guess what I’ve discovered? I have a lot more time! When the break from writing becomes a green adventure outside or Tai Chi or stillness (watching the infinite between my thoughts) becomes priority. When I can remind myself- you are chipping away at whatever arbitrary (read: SO IMPORTANT) goal you set- progress is being made! Maybe they won’t want to bury you with your bins afterall! Film gets scanned, photos get deleted, edited, organized S.L.O.W.L.Y., home movies get CONVERTED TO DVD THEN PLACED ON YOUTUBE.

(It’s official. We are no longer carrying memores on VideoTape!)

The green is calling me now.  Will visit the monarch caterpillars who are all cocooning.

Just like me.

post #8 #SocialMediaSummerSabbatical

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How to beat back uncontrollable anxiety in 6 easy steps.

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I don’t actually know 6 easy steps nor is my anxiety uncontrollable, but a huge trip is coming and I have spent much of precious preparation time on catastrophizing, which surely must have its root in catatonic because I can’t feel forward momentum. I can feel fear and reasons not to go but they say to push pass your fears in order to get out of your comfort zone in order to challenge yourself.

I’m good at doing that. But the fact that my inaction is at a catatonic level, I don’t think any experience can outrun the cloud of melancholia following me.

I fear I’m way better in my comfort zone and that’s about as good as it’s gonna get.

Is that so bad?