What I Believe To Be True

☀️ Reflections on turning 70 and ringing in a new year.

One cannot avoid the loss, pain and suffering of life.

Of course, there is joy and celebration, but as time folds in on itself as we get older, all the pressure of all those “things” that will be undone…become louder. All the things that won’t be said. All the lost souls we can’t help while trying not to live in fear.

“Nothing provokes a human being more than feeling that it’s their obligation to move something immovable.” – Maciek Javik

Sarah Aziza wrote in a 2024 Jewish Currents essay that asks: “What does all this looking do” when we are confronted by a constant live-stream of humanity’s horrors?

Broken by what we see, we become rupture incarnate. To inhabit that rupture, to allow the wound to remain open, preserves a kind of possibility – things are not the way they must always be.

“The wound is essential. Into this wound, imagination may pour.”

Allow the warping pain of the world to open you and then, stay that way, avoiding madness or callousness, long enough to turn yourself into a vessel for imagination. ‘

“Make them all hear. Make this house echo.” – Electra

Last night, I dreamt I had a visit from the Pope. I sat across from him and when he began to speak, I looked into his crystal blue other-worldly godly eyes. I sat up straight. I felt a surge of joy and awe, just by his presence. He whispered to me. It was Francis, and I wish I could remember what he said.

Maybe try not to tune into the static.

Remember clouds and rain give away to magnificent rays, shadow and growth.

June 6th, 1944 The instinct to live is strong, but there was an even greater instinct here on the Normandy beachhead. There was an unseen force of months and years that led up to this moment. It was ‘get inland, move forward-forward. #DDay #Dday80

Sgt A.L.Sohl 12th infantry, Ivy Leaf Div.#FirstPersonAccount #dday80 #dday #Normandy #omahabeach #UtahBeach #OperationOverlord #WW2 No one had the power to think any other way. No one even looked back from where they had come from. Fear was present. It was something like the wearing of too many clothes, like the weight of the rifle. It […]

June 6th, 1944 The instinct to live is strong, but there was an even greater instinct here on the Normandy beachhead. There was an unseen force of months and years that led up to this moment. It was ‘get inland, move forward-forward. #DDay #Dday80

the visit

I somehow knew, there’d be a change. As I grasped or embraced what I thought were THOSE moments (I mistakenly called the real ones) so often filled with awe ( thank you monarchs), I thought APPRECIATE this; time is fleeting and existential fears, projections and that introspection about aging, particularly after just 6 months ago I watched my mother die aiding in her transition: are just dusty follies we take out to fill the hours with what we cannot control and spend precious bits of life in noisy worry, which never comes to fruition. Take heed. Perhaps…

Oh right, so how do I do that now?

The Imaginary Girl

globetoppers's avatarThe Longest Day

Long past the age of adorableness and magic, I began to realize I never had an imaginary friend. I think I read about it (yes, I was that precocious) and heard about it (undoubtedly, by my mother’s friends who gushed over the cuteness of their littlest angels) but began to feel I had missed out on something important. Something I could do that would get my mother to gush. I missed an important normal step and knew it was crucial to fill this lacking, and that clearly, was something I could fix.

I set up my family (why have just one imaginary friend?) behind the couch. My mother tastefully arranged her two love seats at a 90 degree angle, in our expanded Levitt living room, so there was space between the wall and sofa pieces, as well as a large, 3 panel divider behind them, which created a nice hidden…

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SELF-CARE

1) Don’t rush through tasks

     – Have you noticed when you are feeling stressed -out (See: November 8, 2016), everything feels like a chore? I mean EVERYTHING: From showering to dusting to making love, we tend to want to put off or rush through it. That feeling of “I’m not doing enough.” Or “On to the next thing!”

We all know the story of the spiritual apprentice, who travels 1000 miles to find the wise guru in his fields, tilling the soil. “Oh, Great Master! I have come far! What is the SECRET to life?” The sage continues looking down, tilling the soil.

Be mindful. If you mind wanders, bring it back to the task. Do not beat yourself up when your mind wanders, however!

It will. Just don’t check Twitter yet.

2) Tell yourself, often: “YOU’RE DOING GREAT!”

     – Did you brush your teeth today? Great! Did you reach out to a friend? Great! Did you watch caterpillars all day? Great! Are you breathing? Great!

3) Remember: Actitivity leads to action leads to activism.

     – Notice when you are active, focused on task or playing or creating, you feel empowered. This empowerment can be utilized into making a small difference in this political climate- calling your representative about an issue, signing a petition, volunteering in a food kitchen, reaching out to like-minded individuals, doing something for someone else. Nothing is small or insignificant.

Tweet if you must. Just don’t spend the majority of your time, living through the lives of others on Facebook.

4) BREATHE

     – Yes, everyone says this, and we say “yeh, okay, of course” but stress causes shallow breathing and thus, poor oxygen and blood circulation. Andrew Weill’s Breathing Technique of 4-7-8 works well. With your tongue on the roof of your mouth, sit up straight, and breathe in for the count of 4. Hold for 7. Breathe out, through your mouth, for the count of 8. Repeat 3-5 times. Do this several times a day.

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A reminder for today. And by the way, YOU’RE DOING GREAT.

 

 

 

 

The Brand (And Myth) Of Reality

We think that the seeking, the attaining, the working at, the goal-setting, the relationships, the failures and successes, the meditation, the spiritual practices will bring us to a moment, an experience we created, exposing us to a piece of what? What feeds the fiction that we are driving and in control of this projected separate experience of some individuated perspective – this is not a meaningless illusion?

This is not a drill. This is the Big Phuck.

If you don’t reach or find or discover meaning, congratulations, you are free from the brand of the illusion of reality.29078795502_b48734e822_o

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Take comfort in your characters.

“Plot is no more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.” ― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing

“Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.”― Samuel Smiles

crane collage

I look forward to spending time with my characters the five days a week I write.

I can’t wait to see what they’ll say and do. I feel for them.

40,000 words into my 2nd draft. Head down now. No more distractions.

Where will I place my characters when this journey is over?

[blog # 13 #AntiSocialSocialMediaExperiment #SocialMediaSummerSabbatical

 

Impermanence

“Death is not an ending. It is a transformation. What dies is only our sense of identiy, which was false to begin with.” – Deng Ming-Dao

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The cocoon seemed so exposed. The ants had already destroyed one that precariously hung off the patch of milkweeds. One butterfly, found dead, was not fully formed or perhaps, eaten by birds. We decided to take the remaining cocoon on the porch. I carefully cut the stalk of the milkweed stem and placed it in a vase with other flowers. I tied the milkweed leaf on the stem on day 3 after I noticed falling dead leaves, afraid the leaf holding the cocoon would be next; a delicate operation, but success! On day 10 or so at 2 AM, I noticed the cocoon changing color (as it had over it’s metamorphosis) but darker now. My butterfly was emerging. I stayed up as long as I could to witness another miracle. This was not my first birthing of butterflies. The next morning, my little buddy was next to her cocoon. My husband had placed her and the vase outside but I wasn’t ready to let go. I easily convinced myself: it wasn’t ready, it’s gonna rain really hard, the birds will eat her before she has a chance to fly away. I brought her back onto the porch. It rained really hard! She could not yet fly, as monarchs spend hours drying their wings. My husband said “how could this be? how could they ever survive? can nature be that cruel?” (we know that answer, don’t we?) My sweet butterfly lived on the porch for a day and half. This morning, i saw her on the screeen. I offerd her my finger. She climbed onto it. I opened the porch door, and walked with her to the milkweeds down the path. I placed her on the orange flower. She quickly flew off! I watched her circle the swath of flowers, up into our oak tree, then over our fence, away from view. I felt happy. I smiled. My little girl was grown and free. It’s the afternoon now and it’s raining really hard. I am trying not to focus on “oh no, what if she’s too wet?” and think instead: she’s safe under a bush. Life is impermanent. Holding on to anything is futile. I will find freedom with this knowledge.

[ Blog # 12 #SocialMediaSummerSabbatical #AntiSocialSocialMediaExperiment ]